In general, life can become overwhelming. Sometimes I find the struggle to organize my mind and home to be harder than when I’m out in public. Especially in an average sized home with 10 people, the messes get real most days.
If my kids are out of sorts, if supper’s unknown and running late, if I’m looking at the Whole Big Picture: the messes in the home, the dishes, the dirty toilets, the toilet paper the toddler unrolled, the messy porch, the unfed chickens, the yet to be collected eggs, the mess I left in the greenhouse, the unwatered beds… we each have our own unique Overwhelm.
One day I realized how much we, as a family, were serving our things instead of ours things serving us. This may be an obvious thought, but I realized my chickens, my cow with the difficult disposition, and my goats along with the clutter we each struggled to let go of were constantly taking more time with very little to show in return. I realized we/I couldn’t do it all at once or even fully in a day, especially when I myself struggle to stay focused on one task for too long.
Less is more and I think a lot of 80’s and 90’s babies who came out a fairly cluttered time period, granted our parents didn’t have digital so maps, recipes, self help books and more were physical items taking up the crevices of our rooms and spilling onto counter tops and from piles next to the T.V or side table. There were more colors and patterns to contend with and our generation has perhaps in some ways, gone a liiitttle too far the other way with whites, beiges, appliance free counter tops and mono chromatic furniture. I was guilty of this at one time. Until I had a husband and kids who have their own opinions regarding colors, styles, treasures and decor. Even in my overwhelm I knew I needed to learn to respect the people in my home, their space, their private property, their likes and dislikes. I could expect everyone to walk on egg shells because I struggle with overwhelm and focus.
This is where compromise and teaching comes in. I had to teach my kids healthy ways to care for their space and not let their clutter encroach on other people’s time and space, as well choose carefully what they own and consider what they might let go of that they never use. I always consider the fact that my kids will have spouses one day and it’s my job to create thoughtful well organized spouses for their future spouses too. We got rid of a lot. Including my precious homestead animals that weren’t producing and instead were costing us money, mess and time. Now I only keep animals that are serving us and not bankrupting us. After all, that’s why I wanted to farm/homestead in the first place; to generate good nourishing food for my family and offset my husband’s hard earned paycheck.
Even in declutterring and letting things and animals go, our home is still colorful and cozy and with 10 of us, we each have our own level of “things”, which does still allow for some pretty big messes when we are busy with school or sick or just unable to keep up with the daily mess due to seasons of more out of home responsibilities. This can happen daily. Theres always a few points in each day where I feel like the mess is too much for me. And thats just MY mess! My kids all do their own laundry so often my laundry piles up on my dresser while my bed is still unmade and my toddler who shares our room has small toys and blankets spread everywhere. When I’m really fatigued amd struggling to focus, I just become immobile and thats never good.
Ok so where am I going with this, what to do? This is where my Five Thing Rule comes in. I’m teaching it to my kids and this rule extends to paying bills, paperwork in general, gardening and outdoor work. I just apply this in any situation where there seems to be too much and I don’t know where to start. I simple take a breath and decide to choose five things.
Five things, that could be:
- Making bed
- Putting away my laundry
- Tidying the baby’s crib
- Put the diapers away
- Vacuum my floor
Once thats done, take a breath and reassess. The house will rarely fully be clean. But spaces will be. The kitchen might get cleaned with my Five Thing Rule, but my living room is still messy. That’s ok. Now I can start dinner and learn to be ok with sections of my home still being untidy while other sections are tidy. And depending on where you are in your day and how everyone’s moods are; are they hungry? Tired? Does supper need to be started? Or can you do five more things? Pay a bill, file away important paper work, go through receipts building up on the fridge, make that appointment you forgot to call in on…
If you can’t do more things because supper needs starting or you genuinely just need to rest or put toddlers in a bath or to bed… thats ok. Sometimes I’ll make a list and the next five things I want to do will go on that list.
This rule gets easier as your kids grow too. Because as you do Five Things, they can too. When I’ve been busy with a tricky school subject with my older kids and I finally look up to find my younger kids have demolished the living room, I say, “ok, each of you pick up and put away five things.” After they do that we look around at the progress, then we do five more things and soon enough the sofas back together, the fort blankets are folded and put away, the pillows are on the sofa, the dog food is swept up, the books are in their basket, the potato heads are put away, the toddler toys are in their basket, and we are ready to go outside before starting supper. As they say, many hands make light labor!
Focusing on a few things at a time helps you not to get swept up in overwhelm but rather to focus, finish, get a dopamine hit and continue on.
Having less is more too and I find each year as we spring clean and carefully choose what goes out, daily clean ups get better and faster, and my five thing rule feels easier to manage with fewer things to be responsible for.
Try it out if you feel overwhelmed and know you’re not alone. Raising children , keeping a home, cooking, cleaning and nurturing are truly the vital things that make this world go ‘round. Take it seriously and value your efforts even if it feels like you’re always a little behind: you aren’t. Take the long view and know that with each mess, each lesson, each child you cultivate with all this, changes society which changes the world.
Warmest Blessings,
Ashley
