This is Melissa June’s birth story. She is my 8th baby and her birth story is the story I want all women to have because it was completely pain free.
I still can’t believe I’m writing that. Pain Free is not something I associate with childbirth, especially after 7 fairly painful natural births.
Let me back track a bit, my last four births were less painful because I was able to find a midwife for homebirth and I found that relaxing in my home gave me much smoother, more pain free labors.
That being said, there is always that transition point where I end up losing that pain free serenity and the final throes are pretty difficult. I wondered if I could avoid that this time.
I listened to a woman talking about preparing for pain free birth and taking it to God in prayer and He answered her prayer. Lastly she said, “God doesn’t play favorites, if He can do that for me He can do that for you.”
Ok, I decided to give it a try and research everything I could regarding pain free birth; how women in other cultures who report zero pain in birth simply because… no one told them it should hurt! How to fully relax, what causes the pain, why were some births more or less painful, in my experience, and then I found any and all blog posts and YouTube videos of women sharing their stories.
If it didn’t fully work, I knew God would get me through it anyway; just as He had done with each birth before.
Here’s my experience/story preparing and achieving the perfect pain free birth I always wanted. I hope it encourages you!
My Reasons
By the time I was about to give birth to Melissa June I had two older daughters and I knew they would be watching their mom a bit more closely this time. I didn’t want to fill them with fear and dread around childbirth. Living in a fairly medium sized house and not having many places to escape to, I knew my kids would be close, older and more aware. So I set out to read, watch and research everything I could about pain free child birth.
Leading Up To Birth
Leading up to birth I ended up working at some markets with my kids so I put all thoughts of labor and delivery far into the future. I scheduled my last market in April which would give me about a month of solid prep work before my baby’s due date.
I listened to The Hypnobirthing Book by Katharine Graves on audibles every night for about the last six weeks of pregnancy. This is a wonderful book sharing a ton of research, statistics, evidence, and antidotal stories to calm a woman’s mind regarding childbirth. I would recommend listening (as apposed to reading) because she has some visual relaxation exercises that I found extremely important and helpful during Go Time.
Since I knew I wanted to give birth in my bath tub, each night my husband put the kids to bed while I ran a warm bath, opened the window to the warm June air and listened to the exercises.
I practiced my breathing and I would completely relax. It’s strange to say, but in preparing and giving birth, relaxing is an “active” process. I would think, “be like jelly, I’m jelly.” I’m not sure why, but that helped. I also got used to the visualizations in the book which put me into a deeply relaxed state that I would later rely upon to “turn on” during labor.
As a Christian, I also pondered God’s design and responsibility and gift He gave to women to carry and produce life. I decided that for this time, my body was not my own. My body belonged to God and His plan to bring about human life. Something about thinking and surending this way gave me peace. Like a daughter trusting her Father to make the best and safest decision for her and knowing she can rest in His care.
Practicing this in the place you think you might give birth in is another helpful trigger to turn your mind and body on to what you practiced. You can easily slip into that relaxation state because of it.
On Audibles
The Day Before
June 23rd I began to feel twinges of contractions. At one point they began to build so much that I thought a bath might slow them down a bit. I’ve had some babies come so quickly that my body doesn’t fully dilate and it’s a bit more painful so I decided on a warm bath to relax.
My husband was rinsing out the tub and leaned forward and the most bizarre thing happened. A large tropical plant we have behind our tub with razor sharp leaves cut his eye! I’ve cleaned and watered that plant a thousand times and never once had such a thing happen. I’ve also never seen my husband writhe in pain so much, and he has been electrocuted on the job, fallen from trees he was latching safety ropes to, been bitten by a dog and nearly lost his hand to bone infection, fallen from ladders, had a literal tree fall right on his head… and so much more. With each injury he’s handled it with silent stoicism. But not this time. Watching him hold his face and struggle not to scream, my body immediately stopped contracting. I remember thinking, “oh I’m glad I just have to give birth and not go through that.” He ended up going to the ER with his dad driving and I stayed home to wait and see if labor might pick back up. It didn’t.
That night, I was sore, heavily pregnant and exhausted. My husband was trying to use the medication the doctor gave him while he leaned forward holding his head in agony. We were exhausted.
As soon as the weather warms enough, we leave our bathroom window that faces our farm animals open so my husband can listen for predators at night. That night, his eye pain calmed, I slipped into fresh pjs after a long day and we both exhaustedly dropped into bed.
Suddenly, the chickens and ducks began working up the loudest ruckus we’d ever heard. Then. A sheet of spring rain fell hard and drowned them out. My husband was in too much pain and couldn’t see well enough to grab his gun and go out and I was all out of cares for that day. What would be would be.
Melissa’s Birth
The next morning our oldest ran inside to let us know half the flock of meat birds were gone and there was a carnage of chicken wings in the run.
I waddled out and the oddest sight lay before me. Chicken wings, no bodies, scattered the run, the fence had been pushed down but… no tracks. We looked all through the muck…and nothing. It had rained so hard that whatever had torn our meat birds apart the tracks were beat down back to flat muck. It was as if some invisible creature had picked up the birds one by one, eaten their bodies while tearing the wings off then tossed them to the ground. Puzzled, my husband was in too much pain to care much about a bunch of dead chickens, which was very odd for him; his dad took him back to the ER because his pain was getting excruciating.
I waddled around the yard, looking for signs of wolves, coyotes, bears… I just had no idea. I looked up and in the tree line there stood our neighbor’s dog. She was looking at me intensely, then look to her right down the trail that leads around the back part of our property into the woods. Back and forth. Look at me, look down the trail. As I stood watching her, trying to decide why she was there, the hair on my neck stood up and my skin had a crawling sensation. I took a few steps back and called to my kids to head inside. Now.
Inside, I watched our neighbor’s dog circle the back part of our property throughout the morning. Puzzled, I would waddle from one window to the next watching her. I told the kids we were staying inside until Dad came home.
I now know there was a female grizzly bear lurking and waiting to come back for more chickens. She came back a few nights after I gave birth and tore at the meat bird’s house, pushing the door, ripping the wall apart and tearing the fence down. A few days later fish and wildlife caught her but she left deep tracks in our yard, huge paw prints on our building and decimated more than half of our meat birds for that fall’s harvest.
I’ll forever be grateful to my neighbor’s dog. She probably saved our lives warning me that morning!
Early Labor
Even after the stress of the grizzly I began to feel the more consistent familiar contractions. I did begin to worry since my husband wasn’t home yet and there was a grizzly lurking in the woods.
I let my midwife know, but I told her I would be hours and to finish her other appointments, I would keep her posted. By the time my husband got home I had changed into a loose nighty and was lying in our room with the curtains drawn and a cozy beeswax candle, the gentle June breeze wafted in through the curtains.
I got up to put together a bean soup to cook slowly and gave my kids instructions on food and chores. My girls set out to make a low carb chocolate cake to meet my craving and I headed back to my bed thinking I should sleep.
In the past I would get so excited about birth that I’d be up and about tiring myself out, by the time I got to transition and then pushing, my arms would be shaky and I couldn’t hold myself up in the tub and I’d just be so worn out for that very intense moment, I could hardly push. Learning my lesson, I decided to try to sleep. My husband’s eye pain had calmed down and he set himself up in the rocking chair corner of our room.
I found laying on my left side and listening to the relaxation visualizations from the book I mentioned kept me in a calm, relaxed state. The contractions were strong, but not painful. Like strong numb surges, zero pain, I was encouraged and yet slightly skeptical still.
Transition
I decided to get in the tub for a bit, but ended up getting out again as the contractions slowed way down. I walked out to the kitchen to check on the kids. Everyone was absorbed in something. There was an off and on fragrant spring rain out the windows. Welcome warm breezes wafted in, always a welcome change from our long harsh winters here in northern Alberta. Everything was pleasant. Pleasant, calm, peaceful. It was more than I could have asked for and I had been praying about all of it, even the rain. Which worked out perfectly since we actually do not typically have rain like we did that spring of 2024.
Seeing everyone was ok and knowing my husband was home and watching out for me, the kids, the yard and animals, I relaxed and decided to lie down and go to sleep.
As I laid down immediately I felt pressure in my lower abdomen which felt simply like I needed to pee badly. So I mumbled to my husband that I was going to go to the bathroom then I’d take a nap. As soon as I sat down on the toilet, my waters gushed out! Now, if I experienced any pain at all, this was the moment, it was just so quick and so intense, it almost stung a bit. But that was it.
My husband hearing it, rushed in and looking at me said, “ooooh, you’re about to have this baby.” Noooo, I assured him. No. The midwife wasn’t here, I had felt no pain, there was no way I was in transition already. I had hours to go. Hours. I asssured him. Then another contraction came and I felt that deep baring down sensation my body does before I need to push. Not painful. Just intense. I looked up at my husband in disbelief and whispered, “OH Kaaay. Help me to the tub quickly.”
Between contractions he helped me up and into the tub. For a moment I stood leaning on the edges of the tub and looking out the window. I almost lost my wits. Almost. Then I thought, “well there’s no use being scared and putting you and baby in danger. You just have to walk through this Ashley.”
The Birth
Usually I like to give birth on my knees but this time I laid back in the warm water and looked up on the window sill; my daughter had cut me a bouquet of June flowers and I focused on them. My husband asked, “should I go check on the kids?” I shook my head, I was nervous and going into shock, I just shook my head for some reason feeling like I couldn’t speak or it would break my focus.
Still no pain, my husband sat next to me after texting the midwife, who was on her way. With the next contraction I gave a decided push and for some reason it shocked me that out came Melissa’s head. I had done this 7 times before, but this time doing it alone with just my husband and no doctor or midwife, completely shocked me.
My husband reach his hands in the water, he didn’t say it at the time but her umbilical cord was quite long and wrapped around her neck twice. Not tightly, but still of concern. Neither of us spoke, we were probably both saying our own prayers for safety and wondering why we waited so long to call the midwife and would the baby be ok… I decided I didn’t want to freak out so I was going to give one final push with the next contraction. I wanted to get past that unknown and know my baby was ok. Before that final push my husband smiled and said, “she has hair.”
The final contraction came and with it a hefty push. Still no pain. None. Just intense pressure. The baby slipped out and my husband reached in, untangling her cord quickly before drawing her up out of the water. She sputtered and cried. She had inhaled a little water, something I’d never had a water birth baby do yet, my husband leaned her forward to rub and pat her back. She gave some good sputtering coughs, drew in a deep breath and let out the most irate cry ha ha!
Meanwhile, from my kids’ perspectives, they were sitting around the table eating the bean soup I’d made and goofing off, chatting about this and that when they heard the sharp cry of a newborn. They tell me they all looked wide eyed at each other, then with an explosion of movement piled out of chairs into my room, piling into my bathroom to see my husband kneeled down rubbing my arm and crying and me trying to calm a very mad Millie who would have liked to be put back.
The Party
A few minutes later the midwife came bustling in. In her thick Venezuelan accent she gushed, “ah I knew you would be okay, I have never had such a calm dad, wow you are pros at this!” rushing around for a clamp and scissors and checking for my placenta, sending kids for hot towels from the dryer and spreading out her birth kit on my bed.
My calm beautiful painfree birth turned into a bustling party with my little kids bouncing on the bed waiting to meet the new baby, my older two sons shyly hanging back in the corner, my older girls rushing in with towels and squabbling over who would hold the baby first.
Once the midwife weighed Millie who weighed exactly 8 pounds, “baby 8 is 8 pounds!” my midwife announced, and checked us over, I was showered and in a clean nightgown holding a perfect baby girl named Melissa June.
Melissa for which is a descriptive word to describe sweetness in the Bible, I was also inspired by a book character from my favorite author growing up, and I wanted to call her Millie for short from Seven Brides For Seven Brothers. June, because it sounded classic, vintage and it’s her birth month.
My girls brought a chocolate birthday cake in with candles and everyone sang happy birthday to the newest member of our family.
Conclusion
I still struggle to believe I had a painfree birth…but I’ve marveled over it a fair bit and something I remember clearly when my kids rushed in after hearing Millie cry; one of my younger kids said, “and mama didn’t even make a noise!” I laughed a bit sheepishly thinking about how, yes… especially when I get to that transition phase, I about lose my wits with the pain and I will release the tension through a deep guttural kind of moan. But not this time. I had no urge to let out tension or to groan or make any noise. I reminded myself that I wasn’t in a state of fear or stress or emergency.
Birth is natural, normal and shouldn’t hurt. I took deep slow breaths during contractions, making sure to breath into my belly and not tense up leading up to transition and after transition, just before pushing her head out, I took short pushy breaths, in, out, in, out… very quickly. That was it. God’s Grace. Lots of practice, reading and preparation. I really experienced a pain free birth.
If you’re considering having children, about to give birth or someone you love is about to give birth, I hope this encourages you. Birth can be very relaxing and baring a healthy pregnancy and a good midwife/doctor to give a clean bill of health, I think anyone can do this. I understand sometimes there are emergencies and cesareans become necessary. But emerging research is showing that often cesareans are brought on by giving mothers pitocin and causing a great deal of tension and stress to their bodies. Maybe if more women were given environments that felt homey, safe, relaxing, comforting, and familiar their bodies would open up as God intended, giving them a safe and healthy birth which then gives them a safe and healthy healing post pregnancy.
There are so many benefits to giving natural birth and birthing in your own home with your own familiar bacteria and surroundings. It’s better for a baby’s immune system and better for a mother’s body to open up slowly without tension or rush.
Up to this point I’ve had four hospital births and four homebirth and I heal so much more quickly after my homebirths.
Each woman should decide for herself and do what feels the safest for her and her baby. Here’s my story, simply to give my own experience and perspective and encourage other women regardless of how they choose to give birth.
Warmest Blessings,
Ashley
