I’ve been homeschooling for 12 years now, and I wanted to share a bit of my experience and how my perspective has changed over the years. I hope this helps, encourages and uplifts you in your own homeschooling journey.
In my early years of homeschooling I stressed a lot over whether or not I was doing the right thing. Did I buy the right math? How much science do we need? Which curriculum do I choose? Do I use a hodge podge or stick with one brand? What about handwriting and essays? Book reports? Memorization? Should I teach to a test? Which test? Should I try to get my kids involved in groups for sports or public speaking (for example).
When you homeschool there is no prebuilt frame work. It’s not at all like what we are shown in the school system. As a teacher there aren’t parents and principal’s and state tests to answer to. As students, our memories are full of 8 hour days, formal seating, long drawn out lessons and tests, tests, tests…
Homeschool will never look like formal school.
I often turned to the internet to see what other moms were doing regarding homeschooling. Most of the homeschool moms I ran across were really helpful. Especially moms with lots of kids. There’s something about adding child after child to a mom’s plate that inspires better ways of organizing one’s life and time. At least there has been for me ha ha;)
By the way, here is an amazing resource from a mom of 15 who has been homeschooling for 36 years. She is a wealth of knowledge and as you listen to her podcast you will feel the immense pressure of taking on your children’s education slowly lift! Mom Delights
There have been a few homeschool mom’s I’ve run across on YouTube that show a very unrealistic day in a set apart school room with a chalk board and desks and a baby sitter who comes to watch their younger kids while they teach their older kids in a very formal in-home setting. Oh I’m getting stressed just thinking about that, because that’s never been my reality and I’m willing to bet it’s not most homeschool mom’s realities.
Most of us turn our kitchen into a makeshift school room. Teaching algebra while we prep lunches for the week, fold laundry or breastfeed the new baby. Some school mornings are spent in bed breastfeeding a newborn and facilitating several different grades and subjects with kids sprawled out on the floor. It often doesn’t feel like school. Not school that most of us grew up with anyway.
My Experience
I was actually homeschooled off and on and so I have a look at both worlds. I also went to college to become a teacher and I did two semesters of student teaching/observations. So I’ve had three interesting perspectives. Looking back I can honestly say that I think most of my time in school, whether teaching or learning, was a waste of time. Assemblies, fire drills, waiting in line after line, testing, busy work, managing various behavior issues in the students… even in the teacher’s at times, yikes. It never seemed like we got to the meat n’ potatoes.
Thinking back to my days as a homeschooling student, oh I loved it! I was a voracious reader, especially for historical fiction. There’s no better way to learn and remember history, if you ask me.
If I became absorbed in the American Revolution, I went to the base library (my dad was career military and I grew up on bases) and found everything I could on the subject. If I read about anatomy and physiology, I pulled out canvas and paint and color coded the direction of blood pumping through the heart. If I read Gary Paulson’s Hatchet, my brother and I would spend hours building forts and bushcraft shelters in the woods when we lived off base in the country for a few years. When I lived over seas I would draw the ruins from WW2 in London, shade pencil rubbings from ancient gravestones, study cathedral architecture; staring at the ceilings for hours and copying what I noticed with pencil and paper. I even worked in an ancient Saxon burial ground with archeologists to dig up skeletons and artifacts. When it came to trench warfare we joined a group of homeschoolers whose dad graciously let us dig three foot trenches on his acreage so we could reenact WWI with water balloons and squirt guns. At one point we lived in a small country village in the U.K. and I spent a summer just walking through nearby ruins and watching a family of swans for hours on end. I would study their movements and to this day I have some of my old pencil drawings. I can’t believe the detail and thousands of pencil strokes in my art. I’m not so sure I’d have that kind of patience or discipline today.
Those opportunities presented themselves because I wasn’t stuck in the walls of a school all day and my mom had time to let us explore our interests.
Despite the good experiences I had being homeschooled, I walked into homeschooling my own children with a lot of stress and insecurities. When we moved back to the states, my mom put me in school and I was suddenly thrown into tight windows between classes, long drawn out lectures, busy work, busy tests and pop quizzes on irrelevant busy knowledge. I felt rushed through the subjects, never fully getting a grasp on what was being taught and my GPA became my identity and value.
When I became a mom and my husband wanted us to homeschool, I thought the way I homeschooled should look like the school system, otherwise my kids wouldn’t succeed. Today I see how wrong that was. Looking back on history, kids learned reading, writing and arithmetic in less than half the time they do today. Whats more is, historically those kids had a much wider range of vocabulary and that simple “to the point meat n’ potatoes” way of educating children turned out architects, doctors, congressmen, lawyers, teachers, researchers… who’s contributions to society are still relevant today. It wasn’t until the early 1930’s that schools shifted the way they taught so they could turn out assembly line workers and not free well educated thinkers.
What I Would Tell My Younger Self
If I could go back I would tell myself to first focus on my children’s behavior and emotional health, our home and teaching my children the importance of keeping it clean. I would have involved them more in making our meals, folding their laundry and putting it away. When those pillars are in place, it’s so much easier to add a good read aloud, a beginner math work sheet, and a simple science lesson or short documentary on YouTube.
Raising a family is about building a foundation. If the foundation isn’t properly adhered to, there is no use to begin constructing the walls.
Growing up I was taught far more about the importance of education and career over hearts and minds. Emotions were rather useless things that got in the way of success and character was built only on what people saw and not what God saw. We certainly must learn to rise about our feelings/emotions and discipline ourselves to daily take up our responsibilities, but that doesn’t mean we don’t address hurts, work on familial relationships and friendships and work through issues to cultivate a home life of peace and love.
I know that my parents did their best with what they had to work with. They were trying to give their children a better upbringing than they had and I’m trying to give my own children a better upbringing than I had. I hope one day my children do the same and each generation gets better/healthier/wiser/more in love with God.
Regardless, in the beginning of my homeschool journey I brought much of my own upbringing into the way I homeschooled. I was either too soft or too hard, which looking back I see was rather erratic for my poor husband and kids. I was always in reaction mode and not responsive mode. I had no idea what healthy discipline looked like let alone what a homeschool day should consist of. I didn’t see the importance of cultivating a child’s heart before cultivating their education. I certainly thought school should come first above all; even if the home was in disarray.
Education was everything to my parents and by default, myself: it meant a university degree, a steady career, good income built to better income, retirement savings, a small affordable family, a nice house, nice cars, leisure and vacations. Again, my parents were doing their best, and I choose to love and honor them today in the way I learn from their mistakes without bashing them. I, after all, am making many of my own mistakes as a parent and hopefully my children learn from mine.
Today I do not believe that education, career, money or status are everything or even anything. Especially without attention to character. Rather educating our children is about hearts and minds. Everyday my husband would text that to me. “Hearts and minds”.
It took me years to appreciate it and see what he was saying. We could raise the smartest kids with the best academic scores only to send broken adults out into the world, hurting themselves and others and worse; possibly filling more spots in hell.
One of my peers from high school grew up to be a doctor. Very smart. Very athletic. Very successful. I ran across them years later and they were just as rude and irritable as I had remembered. Their career amd marriage were shattering because of their anger and controlling, arrogant personality. All that beautiful education and success became nothing. It reminded me that in my own homeschool journey, I needed to focus on my children’s hearts, minds and characters. Teaching them to first find favor with God and man (again, check out the Mom Delights resource above and her four pillars of education.)
Academics are relatively easy. Building character and learning to be decisive under pressure, seeing right from from wrong when it isn’t always clear, thinking of others before ourselves; these are very difficult to cultivate in comparison.
As C.S.Lewis said, “education without values, as useful as it is, seems rather to make a man a more clever devil.”
We certainly do not need to raise more devils in this world.
All is truly lost if we turn out broken unsaved souls who struggle to get along with others, and it starts with the foundation.
Even in my many mistakes, I’m still in a place in life where I’m having children and open to God giving me more children. Having all of my children still living under the same roof is such a blessing amd homeschooling gives me time to correct my mistakes!
My father in law once told me that his good and wise Christian mother said, “the years all five of my boys were under my roof were the best years of my life.” I have since tucked that perspective away and each night I rest better in these “best years of my life”.
Even though I made many mistakes with my older children, I am able to correct them as I have learned more about the importance of a solid foundation. I’m able to fix the cracks and holes I left in my oldest children’s foundations while building up first time solid foundations in my babies and toddlers. Best of all, my older children are here to witness that and receive it. Which is way better than turning out bitter kids who need regular therapy. I’ve seen it happen and it’s not pleasant.
If you’ve decided to homeschool: relax. Pause, take a breath. Stop trying to plan curriculum. Stop worrying about what your mom or grandma or distant cousin Joe, might think. Stop worrying about the people who try to put doubt in your mind and ask silly questions about socializing, academic scores and college. Stop comparing yourself to curated images of moms homeschooling on the internet. I’m saying that more for my own benefit too.
Instead, build your own foundation. Begin with your Bible. Read about how God raised His people and what He valued the most. Learn to be content in your home and love your own situation.
Read about Jesus and what He taught. Further, look at the family God placed His Son in. Poor. Humble. Low status. Very young, inexperienced mother. Of all the situations in the world God chose that situation for His Son and provided all His son needed in the way of food, shelter, clothing, education, wisdom…
He will provide for you and your children too.
If you’re just starting your family, enjoy the baby stages. Focus on healthy breastfeeding and touch. Build a simple wardrobe and basic daily use of laundry to simplify washing, drying and folding. Focus on a basic healthy whole food menu plan and simple ways to cook it. Build a healthy simple home routine that makes you feel successful at days end. Don’t fill your calendar with outside obligations and unrealistic expectations. So the world doesn’t think you “work”, so what? Get out of the rat race. Define your own pace.
Plan a weekly tea or visit with a friend if you need to. Choose your friends and visits wisely. Iron sharpens iron and you want to surround yourself with friends that have similar goals regarding family, education, God and simple living.
As a young mother I made the mistake of choosing friends and scenarios where I needed money to entertain and be entertained. I chose friends who still wanted to have lives outside of their husband’s and home’s that required finances and time that became unrealistic and stressful on our one meager income.
On the flip side of that, I also chose friends who aggressively homeschooled and overlooked character flaws in their children and I could see my own children picking up the rude behaviors. I also felt anxiety over the fact that I wasn’t doing what they were doing regarding academics. I also noticed that their homes were outrageously messy (look I’m not judging but I think we can all agree that living in immense chaos just isn’t good for our mental health), they didn’t eat healthy or seem… happy.
It wasn’t until I found a small group of women who got together every other Friday for a relaxed homeschool science day that I myself began to relax. I had ordered an entire curriculum along with a rigorous teacher’s manual and I followed it with vehement disregard to my other home duties. My husband rarely had clean laundry for work, he was hastily packing his own lunches, our house was in constant disarray but I would not budge on forgoeing anything the teacher’s manual’s told me to do.
I shared this at one of our laid back Friday science days and one of the moms laughed and said, “oh you can’t possibly follow that teacher’s guide like a regular school teacher! You’ll drive yourself and family crazy. You’re HOME not in school. YOU run the curriculum, don’t let it run you.” I was shocked as I assumed all of these women were following rigorous homeschool schedules.
They were following schedules, but they were also managing bills on one income, cleaning a home, budgeting groceries, cooking at home to save on food costs, driving old unreliable cars, cutting their own hair and completely not allowing the system of “grind and do more”dictate their lives. . .
Their houses were warm, inviting, and… tidy. Not perfectly, there is a certain charm in a slight colorful mess of soft sofa pillows, blankets, books and forgotten coffee mugs with a few toys strewn on a warm wood floor.
They brought their kids with them everywhere and were perfectly content to cancel a week to simply stay home, tend home, hearts, souls and minds. All of their kids were easy to talk to, they took complex ideas and simplified them in conversation, diplomatically discussing everything from biblical theology to politics to science and mathematics.
I always left those laid back Science Days feeling like my mind had been well fed with ideas and encouragement and most of all, their children learned mostly by reading and following their passions, learning to cook, clean and take care of younger siblings.
The moms were relaxed and enjoyed the school as it added to their days, as apposed to taking away. The mother’s themselves often said they were lifelong students and their curiosity drove them to learn with their children instead of living in a constant state of burnout.
I began to realize that just like the story of God shrinking and simplifying Gideon’s army, shrinking and simplify one’s life adds more richness, satisfaction, meaning and true education to it.
If I could go back to my 25 year old self, here’s what I’d say:
Be ok with simple. Kids really do not need formal education until 7 or 8. Now your kids, like mine, will probably want it but don’t spend money on expensive curriculum and stress about learning and teaching.
Instead, choose good books and read. Reading stirs the imagination, introduces a varied vocabulary, and teaches many lessons in the adventures, mistakes, and problem solving the author shares through the life of the character.
I always start with Bible stories and I love the Egermeier’s Bible Story book to introduce my young children to the Bible. This is that first pillar; finding favor with God. I truly believe all is lost if a child is not taught of their Creator who loves them deeply. Their purpose and true joy are on the line if they do not first understand that they are not an accident, not a chance, not luck. Rather, they are uniquely and wonderfully made by God who sent His Son to die for them, save them and cultivate them into beings worthy of eternity in His presence one day. Start there.
Books are expensive, so create lists and add them as birthday and Christmas gifts ideas. If grandparents ask what to get kids for Christmas, point them to some good books. We have some beautiful book sets my in laws have gifted my kids for Christmas over the years: Gary Paulson’s Hatchet series, Tolkien’s The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings, The Chronicles of Narnia, The Penderwicks Series, The Mysterious Benedict Society, and more. My mother in law is a teacher at heart and loves shopping for books. It’s been a great joy for her to gift our children specific books as they grow.
Of course there are libraries, but living in remote northern Alberta I’ve never been able to sustain a good library day. We live very far out of town and if I’m being honest, the area in our small city where our library is has become quite dangerous.
This has led me to build my own library over the years in creative ways. Gifts, barter, swapping with other homeschool moms… Our little country post office has a book exchange too and if I see good books I pick them up and try to leave books we don’t use anymore as I can.
But mostly, I am carefully building a library of well selected books that I and my kids love to read and learn from over and over again. As my kids leave the house I plan to send them out with their favorites.
Here are a few book recommendations I read with my new young homeschool kiddos:
My kids love the Mrs. Piggle Wiggle series as these follow the magical and witty Mrs. Piggle Wiggle as she creatively helps parents to teach their precious children good life lessons on manners, keeping up with chores and getting along with siblings.
I also love using Audibles in these early days for the times I’m tired or breastfeeding and need to close my eyes in the afternoon. Especially as my kids get to the age of “no naps”. We have for years had a consistent 1-3 p.m. quiet time and even my older kids still work with this rhythm. They will disappear into their own quiet things while I either lie down with the baby or snooze on the sofa while nursing. I set up an audible read aloud book and I enjoy the stories too!
Lately we’ve been listening to The Secret of the Hidden Scrolls, a fun series following a sister and brother back in time with the help of ancient scrolls where they witness Bible stories.
I love Beverly Cleary and her books along with Judy Blume and Betty McDondald.
A particularly enjoyable book I’ve listened to several times with my younger children has been the abridged Pilgrim’s Progress for children. I have my older children read the unabridged version.
The Boxcar Children was a memorable box set for me growing up. During one of my dad’s longest military deployments he took a tape recorder (it was the mid 90’s) and a set of the Boxcar Children. Each night in his bunk he would read us kids a chapter. When his tape was full he would send it home to us with a mostly redacted letter of what he was up to. My siblings and I re-enacted the books and loved the idea of self sufficient independence. Building forts in the woods and packing lunches to pretend like we were truly on our own; fending for ourselves. Listening to The Boxcar Children on audibles has been such a fun walk down memory lane for me.
These are just a few wonderful books to read to young children just entering their school years, for it as C.S. Lewis said, “since it is so likely that (children) will meet cruel enemies, let them at least have heard of brave knights and heroic courage. Otherwise you are making their destiny not brighter but darker.”
Around age 8 we begin reading The Chronicle’s of Narnia. The Magicians Newphew and The Silver Chair are my favorites!
As my children listen to books, whether from me or audibles, their own natural curiosity for learning to read is awakened and they’re chomping at the bit to begin learning letters and sounding out words. When my kids are ready to learn to read, there is nothing holding them back. If I can’t work with them on their readers, they’ll sit on their own working through the sounds and letters.
If you really want some activities such as numbers, tracing, alphabet tracing, simple math; I have found educationDOTcom to be a great inexpensive resource. I think I spent around $125 CAD for a lifetime subscription to all of their printouts. I believe their worksheets only go to grade six but my younger children love doing connect the dot pictures, which helps them recognize letters and numbers. They enjoy tracing numbers and letters, and sometimes it’s just nice to pull out a fun printout, a box of crayons and let kids go with it while mom is starting supper or switching laundry.
Or have kids count and sort dried beans, or popsicles sticks at the kitchen table, bundling them into groups for skip counting. “Assign” that activity while you start supper or move through a few chores that you prefer doing on your own without little kids “help”.
If I had it my way we wouldn’t have a T.V. in our house. But with older kids and a husband who still likes to game, it’s not all about me ha;) I am not against using television for gentle cartoons like; Little Bear, Winnie the Pooh, Veggie Tales, The Boxcar Children, and even Super Why for spelling introduction.
Lastly, involve your kids in housework. When I was in high school my mom wanted us to devote ourselves to… ourselves really. Which is so selfish when I think on it. Teaching kids to only focus on their education and what moves them forward in life without much regard for daily meanial work is quite a set back. Daily, seemingly unimportant chores are the essence of life! My mom hired a housekeeper and I truly believe it was the biggest travesty of our lives. If one can’t cook, clean, scrub a toilet, change the oil in a car, create a budget and stick to it, keep up with their laundry, make their bed, clean their room, delay gratification, and learn to do things that serve others; truly, what use are we to others and ourselves?
Thankfully for me, we live on one income with a lot of kids ha! I’ll never afford a housekeeper nor would I want one. 6 year olds can make their bed, put away their laundry, pick towels up off the bathroom floor, put dishes away from the dishwasher, learn the value of a dollar and so much more. As kids master one skill, move them on to something slightly harder. All of our children are taught to cook, clean, change diapers, manage their time, do general vehicle maintaince, cut, chop, haul and stack firewood, safely handle a firearm, hunt, build a fire, a survival bushcraft shelter and more. Homeschooling allows myself and my husband the time we need to teach our children these things. We may not be able to leave them with monetary inheritances, but we will leave them with an education of how much God loves them, uniquely created them, and skills to do hard things and rely on themselves when help is not readily available. Academics are easy to tuck in around these priceless life skills. Teach children to be needy and not “needy”.
Fill your house full of good books with complex ideas and stories. Anyone can receive a rich education with good books, a printer, paper, ink and the internet.
As my very smart homeschool facilitator once told me; think of your children like a jar. Fill the jar with all of the important parts that build a strong character and moral compass. Manners, work ethic, a love for God and others. Once those important pieces are well placed, stuff in the cracks with academics.
I hope this encourages you as you work to build your own foundation for your family, home and school. Take a breath. Pray. Observe. Tend to the hearts and minds in your care. Tend to your home and teach those in your home to tend to it too. Baby steps towards big steps.
Warmest Blessings,
Ashley